Crocodiles Active in the Amsterdam Drug Industry

In what sounds like a rejected script from the American crystal meth TV drama Breaking Bad, drug dealers in Amsterdam have been making use of the unique people skills of crocodiles.

During recent raids, Dutch police scooped up meth with a street value of half a million Euros, several firearms, nine dodgy men and two sketchy women.

They also found €300,000 in cold, hard, cash but, first, had to get past a room guarded by two angry crocodiles. Obviously, this is a pretty good way to protect 300 grand from those nine dodgy guys and two sketchy gals hanging about the place or, indeed, anyone who might be inclined to pinch your hard-earned dough, almost no-one would make it past this pair of ravenous reptiles. Luckily, the Dutch police have some highly experienced negotiators.

Oi! Don’t sell cocaine to my son again, you croccy bastard!

If you think the use of crocodiles is pretty extreme, it is worth noting that this is mild compared to Mexico, where drug kingpins flaunt private zoos full of lions, tigers and marmosets, to which they feed screaming students, politicians and journalists who have displayed insufficient respect.

Everyone was busted in the Dutch raids except, incredibly, for the crocodiles; it turns out that they have all the appropriate permits and one is quoted as saying “The pigs can’t touch us”.

For now, these happy snappers are staying right where they are and receiving regular meals. Sadly, following this high-profile police bust, their heady days in the drug industry are probably over but, don’t worry, there are plenty of roles in Dutch society for the untrustworthy and irrationally aggressive. For example, the Amsterdam City Council are always looking for promising new employees.