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Only Idiots Buy Street Drugs in Amsterdam

A leaflet rushed out by the Amsterdam health board, in response to the recent death of a British tourist, underlines a long known truth: only the most truly moronic tourists try to buy drugs on the streets of Amsterdam.

The leaflet, written in the English language and currently being distributed in tourists hot-spots such as Leidseplein and Rembrantplein, warns of the dangers of buying drugs from street dealers. The health board is aware of at least ten tourists who have fallen ill due to snorting what they believed was cocaine. The 22-year-old British citizen whose death spurred this response is believed to have received heroin instead of cocaine – no, I have no idea why he didn’t notice the difference either.

For most people familiar with Amsterdam, the greatest surprise is that these idiots even received heroin. The long-standing practise among the so-called “dealers” who hang around tourists areas, hissing the offer of “Charlie” to every person who walks by, has been to pass off anything but drugs to naive buyers.

The only thing that allows them to be so obvious is that, if they are stopped and searched by the police, they will have nothing more dangerous in their pockets than crushed up headache pills, with is entirely legal. The beauty of this scam was that there was absolutely nothing the police could do about it because, obviously, no tourist ever filed a complaint admitting that he had tried to buy drugs and, as far as the police were concerned, tourists attempting to break the law deserved a bit of a kick in the arse anyway.

With the authorities all too willing to turn a blind eye, fake street dealing mushroomed into a massive industry, with enterprising young men from countries with an average wage of just a few dollars a day being able to earn thousands of Euros a day within just a few hours of arriving in Amsterdam, and no danger of arrest.

Sadly, the latest developments seem to suggest that the street drugs game has taken a darker turn and we here, at WRGOA, strongly urge our readers to entirely skip the idea of procuring drugs on the street. If the wonders of the Van Gogh Museum provide you with an insufficient spiritual high and you feel that your experience of Amsterdam really, absolutely must be augmented by cocaine, please do not waste your money or risk your health on ridiculous street deals, do it the proper, traditional way and make friends with some Amsterdam locals, preferably lawyers, journalists or politicians, and you will be offered the opportunity to buy real cocaine soon enough.

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