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RyanAir Joy at Schiphol Airport

Schiphol Airport has exploded into scenes of celebration and public displays of joy at the news that Europe’s largest airline, RyanAir, hopes to start flying into Amsterdam’s main airport from 2015.

Schiphol director Jos Nijhuis wept as he described how his long jealousy of the airports in Eindhoven, Maastricht and Groningen had been tearing him up inside, to the extent that, at one particular low point, he had considered switching off?Schiphol?s flight control computer and letting everyone die.

Now, at last, we too will experience the style and panache of a company that has deservedly come to dominate European air travel, explained Nijhuis, and we can look forward to all our other resident airlines learning from Ryanair’s unique and innovative approach to customer service.

Traveller Paul Hodgkins, who regularly flies between the Netherlands and the UK, welcomed the possibilities that RyanAir’s arrival in Schiphol will open up.

“I am quite happy to be treated like a diseased cattle if it means I can save myself a few Euros” explained Mr. Hodgkins, while stuffing sachets of Burger King tomato ketchup into his pockets.

Ryanair competitor Easyjet, who already have a long-established base in Schiphol, were unavailable for comment but owner Stelios Haji-Ioannou was later sighted in a deeply inebriated state in Amsterdam’s Red Light District, angrily demanding that a transvestite sex worker put on a RyanAir flight attendant’s uniform.

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